Superman Champions Universal Peace Part 2

When last we left our hero he had just finished wasting time pretending bullets hurt him before wasting more time revealing that they actually do not. Stock in seat edges went up about 100 points.

Now back to the story! Having given the villains enough of a head start to make the chase interesting Superman once again sets off. While running through a battlefield Superman notices that a town is under bombardment, endangering the lives of innocent women and children. Fortunately it is but a single long range canon that is responsible for the deadly barrage and Superman quickly dismantles it. Taking its powerful payload into his arms Superman turns the army's own weaponry against them and blows their munitions factory to pieces.

I'll get nit-picky here: It appears as if Superman traveled all of two steps before bombing the factory, which implies that the town being bombarded was in fact right next to the now former-factory. Thus it is not much of a stretch to assume that this army was destroying one of their own villages. That's fucked up.

That accomplished, Superman is next confronted by a dirigible. This sequence is fantastic. I absolutely love the art, which truly captures just how imposing these things were at the time. Of course, it is nothing to the symbolic power of Superman. See for yourself:

Superman just be killin' folk left and right this issue! I hope no one in that factory or dirigible crew had families. Next we flash back to mere moments before Superman's bombing raid where the vile Bartow arrives in the wicked Lubane's office to deliver the terrifying gas formula. The formula is given to some sciencey guy who is ordered to put it into production immediately, and no sooner has the man left than the building is rocked by explosions which we already know the source of.

Despite Bartow's warnings Lubane ain't afraid of no Superman, as he feels his gas is just the thing to bring The Man of Steel to his knees. Good luck, buddy. Bartow takes his money and leaves while we see Superman, say it with me now, listening outside the window. He plans to instill a little fear of Superman into Lubane.

Finally alone Lubane seizes the opportunity to do some villainous cackling about the deadly weapon he as acquired, but his revelry is cut short when Superman bursts through the window to confront him.

At this point Lubane somehow has a sample of the gas. How did that happen? Surely it would take a bit of time for that scientist earlier to round up the ingredients and create the stuff. How long was Superman hanging around outside this guy's window before getting up the courage to burst in, and why didn't he do it before the gas was completed? I guess when you're Superman you intentionally make things more complicated than they have to be or you'd just get bored.

Lubane threatens to release the gas on the both of them, but Superman bravely calls his bluff which causes the bumbling oaf to drop the gas vial shattering it. As Lubane dies he shouts at Superman, demanding to know why he doesn't die. Because he's Superman, geez! Honestly, I think modern Superman might have tried to save this guy instead of watching him succumb to a slow and agonizing death. That's sort of monstrous, really.

Having killed this mean guy, Superman's job is not done yet! He leaps through the roof of the building and toward another containing representatives of the two warring factions in the midst of peace negotiations.

Peace negotiations which are quickly breaking down! Superman arrives just in time to tell the negotiators that he isn't going to let them leave until they reach terms. The arbiter tells Superman to get out, because seriously who the hell is he anyway!? Superman demonstrates that he's got more than one screw loose when he destroys the pillars supporting the ceiling and threatens to bring the whole place down on the men unless they listen to him. Bit of an extreme reaction, but I guess he's pretty wound up after all the murders he's just committed.

And so peace is reached under the watchful eye of Superman! The Boravian people celebrate, while Clark notices that he is about to share a plane home with the loathsome Bartow. Kent sends a telegram to Editor requesting that police meet them at the airport. It's important to note that here we finally learn Editor's name: George Taylor. And with that piece of information at your disposal you shouldn't have any trouble winning any future Superman trivia games.

Clark goes to court and testifies against Bartow and his men in the murder of Runyan, resulting in them all being sentenced to death by electric chair. That's great and all, but what about justice for that monkey!?

After the trial Clark hopes Lois' opinion of him might have improved since his war story scoop, but she brushes it off as mere luck. Editor George Taylor asks Clark about the secret gas formula, which Clark claims to know nothing about. However!!!! he is next shown tearing it in two, so that it can never be used again. The end.

Next time: Superman and the Skyscrapers!

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Superman Champions Universal Peace Part 1

Superman #2 continues with Clark being assigned to interview professor Runyan, a famous scientist who has had countless breakthroughs of one sort or another. Editor refuses to get specific. And why should he!? He's a busy man!

Arriving at the professor's lab, Clark learns that the man has developed what he calls the ultimate weapon of war, a gas that can penetrate any gas mask. Clark is understandably skeptical, and is rewarded for his lack of trust by the murder of the cutest gosh darn monkey you ever did see.

Accessory to simianicide. Not gonna look good on your superhero resume, Clark.

The professor demonstrates his nobility so that we can be sad when he dies (oops) by stating he will only give the formula to the "war department" if they promise to use it solely in matters of defense. The professor's good guy status having been established the story immediately introduces a group of, yes, thugs. The thugs kick Clark out because he's a sissy, but little do they know that listening in on other people's conversations is Clark's favourite hobby. Thus, when they demand the professor delivers the secret gas formula to them within 24 hours Clark is standing outside with his ear to the door. A yellow box informs us that this is super hearing, but if that's the case I think I have that power too.

Clark follows the men to their lair and vows to return later, but first he must write up his story on Runyan. Upon accepting the article from Clark, Editor receives a chilling phone call: Runyan has been murdered, and Clark thinks he knows who did it.

It turns out that one of the thugs payed Runyan a visit just as he was attempting to skip town, and seeing this as a breach of the threatener/threatenee contract the thug had no choice but to kill him. That's why I don't needlessly kill monkeys, its bad karma.

Listening in through their cabin window, Superman learns the evil men plan to use the gas (the formula for which they stole after killing Runyan) in the Boravian civil war. Shortly the men pile into their own personal plane and head towards the embattled country, with an unexpected guest clinging to the fuselage.

Upon the plane's arrival in Boravian airspace Superman tears through its roof and drops in on the arms dealers, demanding they hand over the stolen formula.

Oh, gross.

Quickly learning that it is in the possession of a man named Bartow (pictured above) Superman once again proves to be an imbecile when he assumes the controls so that Bartow can retrieve the formula for him.

You will win absolutely no points if you guessed that Bartow's next action is to shoot the controls, and leap from the plane because a child could have seen that coming. Yeah Superman, a child.

Superman of course leaps after him and the two land together. The Man of Steel takes the formula back, with Bartow saying that his boss will have him killed for not delivering it. At that moment a group of soldiers arrive, and attempt to rescue Bartow by both shooting and bayoneting his assailant. Their attacks have the usual effect, until a "rebel bomber" drops its payload on them. This sends the soldiers flying, and somehow manages to knock Superman out. What?? Well that was unexpected!

Next thing he knows Superman comes to in front of a firing squad, somehow standing on his feet. Seriously, how did they prop him up? To be fair I've never really seen Superman unconscious before, so maybe he goes stiff like those fainting goats. Whatever, Bartow is on hand to mock Superman and tell him that he's bringing the formula to the descriptively named Lubane the Munitions Manufacturer.

Having been told all he needs to know by Bartow, you might think Superman would rush off to Lubane's place to sock the munitions magnate in the kisser, or maybe grab Bartow and take the formula back. After all, there's nothing really stopping him, right? Wrong.

Superman has a need to showboat, and if he isn't constantly demonstrating that bullets don't hurt him, or leaving rescues to the last second then he isn't truly living. That's why he's so pissed at Bartow, Superman was going to waste 23.9 of the promised 24 hours before he saved Runyan, but Bartow broke the damn rules! With that in mind Superman sticks around and allows himself to be shot by the firing squad.

Who manage to knock him down!? Whoa! But Superman is, as noted, a showoff and was just hamming it up for the audience at home. The next page he's on his feet again, absorbing more shots into his barrel of a chest. One of the soldiers decides they must be shooting blanks, and in order to test this theory points his rifle at his own foot and pulls the trigger.

Okay, nothing I write here is going to top a guy shooting his own foot off and Shuster actually drawing a piece of exploded foot flying toward Superman. That's amazing, and should probably be in a museum somewhere.

So we'll stop here and finish next time, when Superman beats up a blimp and goes to court.

Superman vs. a War

Superman and Norvell's detachment is sent to the frontlines.

Superman, it is important to note, is in full military uniform and has nothing identifying him as Superman. How is this different from Clark being in military uniform? Obviously he isn't wearing his glasses, but it just doesn't seem like he's trying very hard to keep his identity a secret anymore and he's only been Superman for like a week.

We are treated to the obvious "Why do you manufacture weapons when they kill people? And now here you are at war, and you don't want to die how ironic!!" exchange between Superman and Norvell that may or may not have been groundbreaking stuff in 1938 but here is just tedious.

The company sets up camp, while Superman dons his costume once more and speeds to the enemy encampment with a singular purpose: to take a photo of the opposing generals who are "hilariously" discussing how impenetrable their lines are.

Having taken the photo Superman commits perhaps his biggest dick move thus far and mails it to The Evening News in Cleveland Ohio. What the HELL, Clark? You were sent to this war by your paper. The Daily Star. In Metropolis. What are you even DOING?

Following this we are shown the beautiful, mysterious, alluring, dangerous, exotic, and never seen again after this page Lola Cortez who, fearing that army officers are on to whatever it is she's up to hides some evidence in Lois' hotel room.

Thus, Lois is framed for espionage and immediately sentenced to meet the firing squad. Awesome! Clark learns of this by listening in on someone else's conversation, as always, and rushes to the scene as Superman! Just as the men fire he leaps between Lois and their bullets shouting what I'm sure you all remember as his most famous of catchphrases:

Timeless

Superman takes Lois in his arms and leaps the execution wall, responding to the executioners' cry of "You can't do that! It's impossible!" with a smug "Thanks for letting me know!" Hey, he's not so uptight after all.

Carrying a doe-eyed Lois in his arms, Superman stumbles across a torturer in the midst of plying his wicked craft. Allowing no injustice to go unpunished Superman lifts the "torturing devil" above his head and throws him like a javelin where the man no doubt dies somewhere offpanel.

Remembering the point of this story, Superman returns to the camp to check on Norvell and finds his regiment under attack from a villainous pilot. Seriously, this guy is so evil he's shown shouting "Die! Like crawling ants!" as he strafes the encampment. I suppose it makes sense, they had to make him obviously devil-grade evil in the few panels he's alive for (oops, spoiler) in order to make Superman killing him seem justified. And kill him Superman does!

Afterwards Norvell is shown pumping his fists in triumph and shouting "Good! That finishes my nemesis!" What's it gonna take before this guy gets it? No damn plane is gonna kill Superman.

Seeing Superman alive Norvell begs to be allowed to return to the U.S., which Superman allows on the condition that he doesn't make any more weapons. Agreeing, and meaning it, Norvell goes home. That seems a little easy, but I guess the true horrors of war are enough to stop any war monger in their tracks. Which is why we don't have wars anymore.

Superman realizes there is one more thing he must do before his mission is complete, and kidnaps the two armies' commanding officers telling them to fight it out and settle this thing once and for all.

Oh for God's sake

Realizing they have no reason to fight, the two men shake hands and the war ends. Kent goes back to The Daily Star where Editor observes that since he's been gone, Superman seems to have retired. But Clark knows different!

Next time: Superman has never met a mine shaft he didn't like...until now!!!

But seriously, why did he send that photo to Cleveland? What an asshole.

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