Lex Luthor is a Bad Man

The incredible debut of the man known only as "Luthor" continues!

Luthor's minions, having kidnapped Lois instead of Clark out of sheer laziness, bring her back to Luthor's dirigible which is floating high in the stratosphere. Perhaps Luthor is used to such bungling, as he immediately takes Lois as an acceptable Clark substitute. However, he doesn't have time to question her about Clark's knowledge of his operations so he has her sent away.

By God, imagine if he had enough time to conduct three minutes of inductive reasoning! He'd realize the only guy who knows about him is the dude in the blue and red long undies who also looks exactly like Clark Kent. Good thing he's so busy sitting around...doing...all kinds of things. Like hey, check out that subtle Nazi iconography projected onto the back of his chair! He spends hours arranging for shit like that!

Also, in case you didn't know it Luthor has a full head of beautiful red hair. Makes for a dashing figure, doesn't he?

Locked in a guarded room Lois immediately notices that her guard is not under Luthor's hypnotic influence. The very same hypnotic influence that hadn't been mentioned at all prior to this exact moment! Wow! Lois threatens to expose his lack of hypnosis to Luthor unless he delivers a letter to Clark Kent.

Normally in a situation like this the guard would be willing to help Lois because the only thing making him be evil in the first place was the hypnosis, but in this case he simply doesn't want Luthor to know his hypnosis doesn't work on him. He still wants to work for him though! So what, is he afraid of hurting Luthor's feelings? "Oh no sir, your hypnosis is the best! Why, I do believe I'm feeling more like a chicken as we speak!"

Of course, none of this is important as we never see this particular guard again once he's delivered the note.

Once that note is delivered Superman sets off for Luthor's airborne fortress. Now, we all know The Man of Steel can leap a tall building in a single bound but did anyone suspect he can leap straight into the stratosphere? Well he can, and he does! That's 6 miles at the least. What a badass.

Having jumped onto Luthor's dirigible Superman punches some guards, while Lois is menaced by some dude trying to extract info from her. Superman uses his "x-ray eyesight" (his WHAT!?) to find Lois' exact location and puts his fist through a wall and straight into the mean man's jaw. So, I guess he's got x-ray vision now. Huh.

Luthor then shows up as the big Asian face again and tells Superman to submit or he'll hurt Lois. Despite being there to protect her, Superman inexplicably acquiesces to these demands and allows himself and "the girl" to be brought before Luthor, where the evil leader reveals his plot to rule the planet: incite a world war and take over after every country is weakened.

Lex Luthor, please report to the burn ward.

Following this Superman allows himself to be chained to a wall and shot with a laser. Because he's an idiot.

So this laser see, it's slowly killing Superman. But too slowly for Luthor! So he just gives up and decides to point the laser somewhere else -- at a city! Superman can't allow this so he grabs the laser and tries to shoot Luthor with it, but instead he just kills a few of his henchmen. Luthor then shoots Superman with yet another laser which Superman announces is "sapping [his] strength!" Immediately after saying this he simply punches Luthor's laser, ending the threat.

This establishes two things: One, that Luthor has at least two lasers capable of destroying entire cities and thus has no real need for the roundabout world war domination plan and two, that Superman is stronger than a city.

Also, the laser's ray is specifically pointed out to be green. A green laser hurting Superman! And this is before Kryptonite was invented! That's kinda cool.

Seeing he's in a bit of a pickle Luthor offer Superman unlimited riches, as long as he doesn't harm him. Obviously our hero would never agree to this, and instead he beats up a few more guards and then punches the dirigible's engine causing the whole thing to come crashing down to Earth. I'd like to take this time to mention that there were a great number of people on this craft, and apparently all of them were under hypnosis. That's a whole lot of innocent casualties! Especially since Superman already had Luthor at his mercy. And yes, Luthor is assumed to have died in the crash.

Clark then speaks to the two warring factions once more, and is able to convince them that there was in fact a third party attempting to prolong the war using the crashed dirigible as evidence. That's just flawless! "There is a man trying to prolong the war for his own ends! Don't believe me? Well a blimp just crashed!" The war is thus ended.

Clark's editor is amazed by him nailing another scoop, and Lois thinks about how much she'd like to see Superman again, THE END.

Next time: Still more Luthor! B-b-but he's dead!?

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In Which a Huge Debut Occurs

As you may or may not know the issues of Superman covered thus far are simply reprinting earlier Superman stories from Action Comics. Superman would eventually become its own stand-alone comic, but we haven't reached that point yet. (Edit: I was very wrong about this!) I mention this because Superman #4 begins with a story centering on a character who had been introduced in an Action Comics story that the publishers had not seen fit to reprint in Superman. The fools!

I however couldn't do that to ya'll, as this character is someone you'd want to witness the first appearance of. So today we will be looking at Action Comics #23, the first appearance of "L.L." (Lori Lemaris? Lana Lang? Lois Lane? Linda Lee? Hmmm...)

We join events already in progress, as Clark Kent and Lois Lane are covering YET ANOTHER WAR. That's creativity! Lois n' Clark are caught in a bombardment which knocks Lois unconscious, allowing Clark to become Superman and throw the shells back from whence they came. Regaining consciousness Lois is disappointed to learn that she missed Superman saving their sorry asses. Because, in case you don't get it, she loves that guy.

Our heroic reporters are next seen speaking with the head general of the Galonian forces General Lupo, who tells them that he has an impending appointment to discuss peace with his Toran opponents. Yes we have seen this before, but rest assured that this is merely the calm before the storm of insanity this story is preparing to unleash upon us.

Someone blows up the approaching Toran diplomats, allowing the war to continue. Clark suspects it was done on General Lupo's orders and asks him what the hell is up wit dat!? The General denies any involvement, but a departing Clark's supersensitive ears overhear him making a suspicious phone call.

And so it comes to pass that Superman follows the general as he drives up to a mountain, exits his car and disappears. Superman is utterly dumbfounded "No entrance anywhere!" he shouts "What happened to him is beyond me!" immediately following this statement he shoves the rock blocking the hidden entrance out of the way. Was he just being sarcastic or what?

Also, special attention is called to the fact that Superman used his "bare hands" to move this rock. If all this attention needs to be brought to the amazing power it requires for Superman to move the rock...how the hell did Lupo do it!? That guy must work out.

Having busted into this secret cave hideout (and why does the evil leader of an evil army need to be evil in secret?) Superman observes from afar as Lupo stares at a stalagmite with shiny lights swirling upon its surface. Suddenly, the lights coalesce into a giant Asian guy's face! Lupo informs the face that the war has been prolonged, and it happily disappears.

Superman takes this opportunity to emerge from his hiding spot and threaten to crush Lupo's skull if he doesn't tell him what the hell is going on. I love when he does that! Lupo reveals that Luthor's plan is to send planes to bomb a neighbouring country and bring the entire continent into this war. "Who" asks Superman "is Luthor?"

That's right friends, we just got our first glimpse of Lex Luthor! EVER! And he was a giant Asian face on a stalagmite! What an entrance.

Lupo is about to reveal Luthor's identity (he's Luthor...what the hell more do you need?) when the "incredibly ugly vision" appears once again before him, and shoots some totally sweet lasers out of its eyes. Luthor does not allow for traitors.

The evil face turns its laser eyes on Superm-hold on. Luthor had laser eyes before Superman did! DAMN!

Anyway he lasers our hero to no effect, before Superman punches the stalagmite in its stupid face destroying it once and for all. Unfortunately, this must have been a load bearing stalagmite as its destruction leads to the collapse of the cave. Superman escapes from certain doom here in the dorkiest possible way.

Seriously, "flails about"? What is he, a dandy?

Upon his emergence from the earth's bowels fortune is, as always, on Superman's side. The planes sent to sow the seeds of war across the continent happen to be directly above him. He leaps onto one plane, beats up its gunner and uses the mounted machine gun to shoot down others. Running out of bullets he simply grabs two planes and smashes them into each other (!!) before flying his commandeered plane into the last remaining one.

Having prevented the war's expansion, Clark Kent now wishes to put a stop to it all together. He informs the two factions of a third party's plan to prolong the war, but his information is dismissed as mere fantasy. Why? Because he is entirely unwilling to cite his source. "Superman told me..." or "My investigations of General Lupo's activities revealed to me that..." aren't good enough? Why is he being so secretive? Oh right, because otherwise the story would be over.

The diabolical Luthor somehow learns of Clark's attempts to end the war OR SOMETHING I DUNNO, but he orders his followers to kidnap the reporter for knowing too much. They then proceed to...not do that at all...

Unable to kidnap anyone but the first person they happen to see, Luthor's hired muscle fail him once again. Seriously, I love that one of them is even pointing out that they've got the wrong person. "D'uhhh, hold on! This woman isn't Clark Kent!"

Next time: Luthor's glorious flowing locks of beautiful red hair! Would you dare ask for more??

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